Should I Let My Wife Sleep with Another Man?

There’s nothing a man dreads hearing more from their wife than this:

“I want to sleep with someone else”.

That’s game changing stuff.


Unless you are in an open relationship – and everyone involved is totally honest, upfront, and transparent about everything (a super rarity, for a whole bunch of reasons) – everything about your relationship with your wife changes the moment those words come tumbling out.

Still, for an almost unlimited amount of different reasons, more and more modern men are having their wives propose this exact situation to them.

This is obviously leaving men feeling really unmoored, really untethered, and really confused – especially if they are blindsided by the request.

What’s a guy to do?

Well, hopefully we are able to help a little bit in that department.

Let’s dig into this detailed guide to sift through the why behind your wife wanting to sleep with another man, how to best navigate through this obvious crossroads, and how you should handle the request – and what you do next moving forward.

Shall we get started?

Why Wives Want to Sleep with Another Man

Truth be told, as we highlighted just a moment ago, there are an almost unlimited amount of reasons your wife might want to sleep with another man.

These reasons can include (but definitely are not limited to): 

  • She’s getting bored with your relationship, just doesn’t feel the spark, and has been excited about the possibility of “something new” with someone new
  • She is looking for a way to cut bait, get out of this relationship – this marriage – without having to be the “heavy” that brings things crashing down (at least not on the surface)
  • She really didn’t have any intention of staying faithful when she got married, but instead wanted the safety and security of the relationship (as well as the status it might have brought to the table)
  • She is surrounded by friends that have been living in relationships that are falling apart, friends that are starting to have affairs, or friends that are jumping out of marriages and into new relationships while telling her all the good and none of the bad

...Or maybe something else entirely!

At the end of the day, the important thing to take away here is that this is nowhere near an unusual request these days.

Sure, it’s probably going to hit you like a ton of bricks when you hear it come out of her mouth. You’re going to feel like a piano just dropped on top of your shoulders.

Take a couple of deep breaths, try and calm your mind, and whatever you do DO NOT react emotionally straightaway.

Marriage at a Crossroads

Right out of the gate you need to know that you are at a serious crossroads in your marriage.

Maybe you saw something like this coming down the line. Maybe it caught you completely by surprise. Maybe it’s a combination of the two and you were somewhere in the middle.

Regardless, you’re looking at a major life decision here.

Unless your wife asked you this 100% joking – bringing up the idea of a “Hall Pass” while watching the latest Ryan Reynolds movie, maybe – things aren’t going to be the same from here on out.

It’s important to really understand that.

Too often the emotional shock of a request like this takes us out of our headspace and we can’t even begin to fathom that things are always going to be a little bit different now, no matter how things shake out.

There’s a huge decision to be made here and you are only going to be able to control half of it.

Understand that.

Embrace that.

Recognize that this is the reality.

Things are going to be different, there’s no way around it.

Open Lines of Communication are a Must

On the other hand, though, you do have to at least appreciate the fact that your wife is being 100% open, 100% transparent, and 100% upfront about this request – even if the reason that it has come bubbling out may not have been so transparent.

This is a big deal.

For obvious reasons, the overwhelming majority of wives that decide to sleep with someone other than their husband don’t usually ask for permission in advance.

Most of them just go out and do the deed, choosing to either tell their husband or hide it forever all on their own.

Recognize that your wife has brought this up and is bringing it up for a reason.

Maybe she really wants to have a discussion about whether or not this is something the two of you can agree on. Maybe she just wants to let you know in advance that this is what’s happening no matter what your feelings are.

Or maybe she’s just bringing it up to shock you into action, compelling you to change some behavior on your own that she’s been trying to subtly hint at with you just not getting the message.

It’s important that you understand that this line of communication has been tossed out for a real reason. Pick that lineup and talk about what she’s feeling, why she feels that way, and how she wants to move forward.

Don’t be shy about sharing your side of things, either.

Never Allow Yourself to Be Pressured Into Something You Aren’t Cool With

No matter what, it’s important that you never allow yourself to be pressured into something that you just aren’t cool with.

There are lots of men leading lives of quiet desperation, beaten down by life – and by their wives – with things that just sort of “happen to them”, regardless of whether or not that’s something that they are into.

Do not let that happen to you.

If you are open to the idea of your wife sleeping around with other men (maybe if you are able to sleep around with other women, too), that’s something you can bring up and discuss.

If you are not open to this idea, though, you absolutely MUST bring that up.

You have to tell her that it’s not something you’re cool with. It’s not something that you would accept. And if she is 100% dead set on moving forward with this plan of the two of you need to discuss splitting up.

Way too many men think that they can just sort of pushed through this “phase”, letting their wife do whatever she needs to right now to keep the relationship rolling.

That’s the fast track to incredible pain, frustration, anxiety, and flat out resentment. 

You’ll end up years later down the line blowing this relationship up, wasting a tremendous amount of time that could have been spent finding someone new that really “gets you”.

Again, if you’re not cool with this idea say so.

Can You Rebuild After This Request?

At the end of the day, your relationship with your wife is your relationship.

Some people are going to be able to move past a request like this, regardless of whether or not the wife actually stepped out and slept with someone else.

Some people, though, are going to have a nightmare of a time even coming close to accepting just the request part.

It all comes down to your relationship, your personal values, and your views on what marriage really means.

If you can rebuild your relationship after of request like this is made, more power to you.

If not, it’s important that you find a way to (as amicably as possible) cut bait and move forward with your life.

Should I Let My Wife Sleep with Another Man?

For the overwhelming majority of men, the idea of their wife sleeping with another man – and then staying married to that woman – is a nightmare almost too awful to bear.

There’s just something about it that makes men’s skin crawl.

If that’s the situation that you find yourself in, and you really can’t imagine ever being okay with this kind of arrangement (even if you got to sleep with anyone you wanted to) it’s a good idea not to give this the “green light”.

If, on the other hand, the idea doesn’t bother you – or even intrigues you a little bit – then maybe you give it a trial run.

Things still have the potential to go sideways but at least you’ll go into the situation with both eyes open.

At the end of the day, the only way you’re going to be able to push forward in this relationship (or out of it) is if you fully regain control over yourself, your actions, and stick true to the way you want to live.

Nothing else matters.

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