I found myself lying in bed with a girl last night, with her back to me as she’s playing with songs on her lap top, and felt the familiar unpleasent feelings and thoughts. Should I go for it? Will she be down? Can I make it smooth? As well of course that sexual escalation anxiety. Thankfully I was able to get around it all but it made me realize just how many guys would fail here, and just so close! That’s when I decided this topic seriously needs to be discussed.
There are guys out there who are INCREDIBLE at getting women attracted to them and wanting to sleep with them, these men look like rockstars and on the surface seem like they get laid every other night. The sad fact is though that they don’t because they lack the final skillset, the one thing every guy at some point must master….the ability to sexually escalate.
Like all of game there are two components to being able to sexually escalate, outer game and inner game. The outer game is incredibly simple but the inner game is what causes 99% of the problems. I’ll list the key problems guys have with sexually escalating.
The outer game part consists of only two things.
1) Smoothly running up the kino escalation ladder so that every new advance is comfortable and natural
2) Pulling the trigger when the time is right
With number one it’s just a continuation of the kino you’re building off the bat. If you’re doing solid game your kino should have been escalating naturally throughout the pick up anyways, if not then you have a serious sticking point that needs to be addressed from the initial pick up. The second part just means a strong kino jump and having the ability to go “cave man”. When we pull the trigger we forget about “gaming”, the game is done and now it’s time to go for what we made happen.
Simple enough right? The format is pretty basic and down right easy, the real problems come from our heads. While the action of pulling the trigger is nothing, actually letting yourself do it is a whole different story. Here’s the three major inner game issues regarding sexual escalation and how you can get around each one.
1) Fear of failing after getting so close
When it’s time for end game and sexual escalation there’s been serious investment on your part for this girl. She doesn’t feel like just another set anymore since you had to work for her and spend time on her. After opening, hooking, building comfort, creating attraction, handling her friends, dealing with logistics, and getting either a number or kiss close, the last thing you want to do is mess it up now. The way to deal with this is by understanding two things. First she IS just another set and you have to be willing to fail just as if you were only opening. Even if it blows up in your face it doesn’t take away from the fact that you were able to get up to that point. By remembering this you’ll feel OK to fail and wont place so much value on the girl. Second make the mental shift from investing your time and energy into the girl to investing it into your game. By investing in the girl and the interaction you begin to put heavy emphasis on everything and begin fearing to mess up. By investing in developing your game you realize you HAVE to pull the trigger otherwise you’ll never learn and get better. Like Nike says “just do it”.
2) Assume sex
Think about this for a second. She’s in your bed and has shown obvious signs of attraction all night. I can almost guarentee she wants it to and it is true that women enjoy sex as much as men (if not more). Start thinking about what’s going through her mind, “Why wont he go for it already?” “I gave him enough signs, I hope he mans up” “God I’m horny! He better make a move!”. Obviously you don’t know what’s going through her mind but the point is you assume it since it’s most likely true and will lead you to taking action that’s best for the pick up. Understand that women enjoy sex as much as men do (if not more) but because of their social conditioning can not allow themselves to be responsible for doing anything that can lead the interaction to sex. She also EXPECTS you to sexually escalate since you’re a man, it’s normal and not low value to want sex…in fact if you don’t go for it she’s left to either think you don’t like her, you’re a wimp, or you’re gay. What this boils down to is that it’s on you, don’t let her down.
3) Immersion
To often are analytical game heads seriously get in the way at this stage. In the example I gave you about myself I remember clearly analyzing all the possible kino escalation moves I could do to try and make it smooth, but then remembered the idea of immersion and stopped all that. The idea is that it shouldn’t feel robotic or structured since it’d make it bad for you and probably feel creepy to the girl. Instead turn your mind off and let your body do what it’s naturally meant for. When we feel immersed we go on primal instinct and let the situation flow, allowing it to be as natural as possible and to fully enjoy it as well. To do this just relax yourself and notice the pleasant way she smells, how nice and smooth her skin feels. Allow yourself to fully enjoy the moment with her and fully accept your arousal and desires. Let your hands wander where they want as well as your lips. Basically stop worrying so much and simply enjoy yourself.
If you don’t fear messing up since you understand it’s just another skillset to practice, assume it’s on and feel confident escalating, and allow yourself to be immersed and enjoying it so your head doesn’t interfere, there’s really no reason why you shouldn’t be able to sexually escalate. Go out there and pull the trigger!
Hope this helps,
Psych
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Brilliant – but I wish I’d read this two days ago! Being seeing this girl for a couple of weeks and got to the point where she was in my bed last night. I didn’t do anything with her beyond making out for the very reasons you put in your blog. I thought if I make the move she’ll freak and think I’m sleazy. I didn’t think I was but it’s made me realise that I’m holding her on too high a pedestal – as in I’m anxious about messing things up.
Sex is natural when you are interested in "the girl" (side note: women do not like to be known as just "the girl") women want investment and love. From the beginning of time that's all women need and want. I had my share of ladies but by far my wife was the hardest to get in bed. Now, post-marriage) I get it at the least every other night because women love to be loved and to have commitment.
Want some good advice…getting a women aroused is easier and more exciting when she is your wife.
Invest time in a good women and she will want to please and pleasure you in every way!
You'd outstanding ideas here. I did a research on the matter and found that probably most of the people will agree with your web page.
Cuddling… just grab her boobs and other parts while you cuddle and sleep, all accidental/natural like. Then she will slowly become aroused and eventually one thing will lead to another, and if she cant hold back her desires next thing you will easily be having hot romping sex
Nice
CHRISTO- Why are you on here in the first place then if you think that? you are the voyeur watching the voyeurs so to speak…very odd…
OK I admit that was a tad odd but when I first started I was so desperate I did the first thing that came to mind. You do what works for you.
the more I read on this site the more I see the it is pure nonsense spewing from you adolecent imbiciles…I've never witnessed such crap…you gross fukkers need to go fukk yourselves and stop fantasising about others- freaks!
The human mind is the most incredible computer…EVER! But it is also the greatest setback to even the most confident of guys. What is the best way to beat this problem? For me, I reenacted the hottest sex scene I'd seen in the movies in my head then made myself the confident male getting laid and performed the scene on her. It seems weird but I guarantee it works, by removing yourself from the situation and pretending that your in the movie it subconsciously improves your confidence as well as improve your sex life ON THE JOB!!!
I must say the article is great by itself, but at first I've misinterpreted the 3rd point.
I thought, why in the hell you would want to be in bed with a girl you didn't let yourself be immersed in her or would be that into her altogether, like her smell or the touch of her skin. The point is I guess you'd be attracted but a the same time be:
a. too scared
b. too much into the outcome, not the ongoing interaction
Never was myself, but if I were to run into it, that would be a great advice.
You got there to experience what's best she has to offer in the first place, are you going to be that scared of the pleasure you might get from it ?
Have fun ! Lots of it !
Peace,
Delight
I like cuddling, cuddlings great, the great thing about cuddling is it builds TRUST aswell as being..just well a nice thing to do :)
As a guy who never gets girls in his bed even to cuddle, I would not even know how to figure this whole thing out. Even with all this pickup knowledge and "take my course" its the best I still cant even get numbers or emails that well so having a woman just in my bed would be a dream in itself. Yes, its that bad….
Great Article!
I agree wholeheartedly with your ideology, though to be honest, i've had girls in my bed before who didn't want to have sex, just someone to cuddle with. In that kind of situation do you push it or simply let it be and try again the next time?
So would you consider that all failing, if cuddling is just the idea in her mind or simply a conflict of interests?
But even so, I agree with you totally!! Great Article!
Jason
If a womens in your bed surely sex is just a given. In my experience this has always been the case (at least some sort of sex if you follow me :), thats why shes in your bed no? a great tactic is to retreat a little and be non-outcome dependent if experiencing a bit of LMR.
Interesting article tho, great job!