Why Does My Girlfriend Lie To Me?

It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask if you know that it's happening: why is your girlfriend lying to you? What reason could she possibly have to do that?

It's easy to assume the worst, but the truth is, there are many reasons your girlfriend may lie to you, and not all of them are bad: sometimes, their intent behind lying is simply misguided and actually born out of concern for you. Of course, they could also be lying for more nefarious reasons, but that's not always the case.

There's no way we can say with absolute certainty why your girlfriend is lying to you. However, we can provide you with some possible explanations to consider.

She's Worried About How You'll React to Something

Sometimes, your girlfriend may lie to you because she's worried you'll be upset about the truth. Maybe she's pregnant and afraid you won't be happy about that. Maybe she wants to spend Christmas with her parents instead of yours. Maybe she just doesn't want to see that movie you planned for your date.

If you feel that this is the reason your girlfriend is lying to you, the best thing to do is let her know that you won't be angry about the truth. Of course, if you go back on your word and do get angry about whatever the truth is, you can expect her to lie for this reason more often in the future.

She's Cheating on You

You shouldn't jump to the worst possibly conclusion right away, but you shouldn't completely ignore the possibility either. If your girlfriend often lies about things like where she goes and who she spends time with, it could be because she's hiding a relationship from you.

However, it should be noted that this doesn't always mean that relationship is romantic in nature. For Instance...

She Has a Non-Romantic Relationship, and She Doesn't Think You'll Approve

Contrary to popular belief, women can be friends with men with no underlying romantic subtext. Even so, many people get jealous when their significant other spends time with people of the opposite gender.

Your girlfriend may have a business or platonic relationship with another male, and she's worried you'll jump to the wrong conclusion. It might not even be another man: maybe she's become friends with your ex-girlfriend, or some other person you simply don't like, and she figures it would be best if you just don't know about it.

She's Embarrassed About Something

Not all lies are malicious. Your girlfriend may be lying to you simply because she's embarrassed by the truth. Maybe she doesn't want to admit that she needs your help with something, or she did something stupid or clumsy and doesn't want you to know about it.

Scratching the rims of the car, losing some jewelry that you gave her, ruining your favorite shirt in the washing machine: you never know. Sometimes a lie is just hiding a silly mishap that isn't a big deal.

She Doesn't Want to Hurt Your Feelings

Sometimes, the truth hurts, and your girlfriend doesn't want to hurt you, so she loves you. So she lies about wanting a cat, or about whether or not she thinks you look good with your hair cut a certain way. Maybe she lies about liking your cooking or taste in hobbies.

Such lies aren't malicious: they're just a misguided attempt to bolster a relationship by avoiding potential points of conflict. The best way to avoid these lies is to assure your girlfriend that they won't actually be conflicts.

Most people aren't honest in a relationship because they are scared of fights the truth could cause. But if they believe you to be a reasonable and tolerable person, they may be more willing to be honest.

She Doesn't Trust You

People have all sorts of reason for distrusting others. Sometimes, it's just their personality. Other times, they've been betrayed before and thus find it harder to let themselves be vulnerable again. Point being, it may be your fault your girlfriend doesn't trust you, but it may not, either.

If you've lied to your girlfriend about important things before, it's understandable that she might not trust you and therefore lie to you about things. It's also possible someone else betrayed her trust, and you just have to accept that she'll be a little wary about completely open trust until that wound heals.

If it is the latter, then don't be of the opinion that you can solve her trust issues in one go. Oftentimes, even if you do everything right, it will take time. Be supportive and patient.

She Doesn't Want to Burden You

Some lies are actually a misguided attempt to protect someone you love. Your girlfriend may be lying to you about something because she doesn't want to bother you, or feels that a problem would be beneath your attention.

Maybe she got into a fight with her parents, and doesn't want you to worry about her distress. Maybe she's struggling to make ends meet, and doesn't want you to know because she doesn't want you to feel obligated to take care of all her needs.

If you feel that your girlfriend is hiding something from you for your own benefit, then it is once again time to let her know that you are ready and willing to face anything that's bothering her, no matter how large or small. Let her know that you want to share her burdens as her partner that loves her.

Conclusion

Ultimately, there are both good reasons and bad reasons your girlfriend may be lying to you. It's possible she's cheating on you, but also possible that she doesn't want to hurt you, or bother you, or embarrass herself.

The best way to find out is to have a conversation about it. If she's lying to you for a misguided but technically altruistic reason, then letting her know that she can trust you, that you won't get angry or laugh about something silly, should lead to the truth.

If you have this conversation about trusting you to have her back, share her burdens, and all that good stuff, but she's still lying to you, it's possible she may be lying about something more nefarious, like cheating.

To that end, it's also important to pay attention to what your girlfriend lies to you about. If she lies about where she goes and who she spends time with, that's more likely to be something like cheating than if she is lying about, say, whether or not she likes sports as much as you do.