If you’re tired of chasing after your girlfriend's attention, this guide is for you. Learn how to make your girlfriend miss you so that she finally reflects on what she loves about you.
She may be the star of your life, but that doesn't mean you have to act like you're just a part of her fan club. It's time to even out the playing field and feel more of the love you're always giving.
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1. Don't Force Conversations
Most couples talk every day and there's nothing wrong with that. It gets to be a negative thing when those conversations are always initiated by the same person – you.
Do you find yourself always sending the “good morning/goodnight” texts? Are you the constant caller who is trying to get a glimpse of your girl on Facetime?
If you are, there's nothing wrong with wanting to talk to your girlfriend. In fact, it's what a good boyfriend should want. The problem is that it isn't reciprocated. You're always digging around to start conversations and hear from her, even when she has nothing to say.
It's time to cut back on these forced convos...
Quick Note
Take a step back and don't send that daily text. If you're curious about what she's doing at 3 o'clock on a Tuesday, remember that she's probably doing the same thing she always does at 3 o'clock on a weekday.
You can always give her a call to ask about her day in the evening, but there's no need to be a suffocating detective who is all up in her business every moment of every day.
2. Set Your Own Goals
A man without goals is like a GPS with no destination. Not only does it leave you with a mediocre future, but your girlfriend probably doesn't want to tag along on such a pointless joyride either.
Setting goals will give you a greater purpose in life than just waiting on your girlfriend. Effective goals will occupy your time and move you towards a greater destiny.
You may not have as much free time for your girlfriend as you did before, but this means she'll be quick to notice the goals that you have started dedicating more time to.
Do This NOW
Take out a pen and paper right now and jot down at least 5 goals that you'd like to accomplish within the year. Make sure these are S.M.A.R.T. goals: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.
This means that under each goal, you should be able to list at least one task that you can get started on today that will get you closer to your goal.
Let's say you want to get into better shape. Instead of saying your goal is just to “be fitter” you can replace it with the S.M.A.R.T goal, “I want to lose 20 pounds in the next 6 months.”
Your task to begin today could be to burn at least 400 calories per day through exercise. If done daily, this task would mathematically lead to a 20-pound loss over six months.
It's not enough to just think about your goals – you should write them down and refer back to them often. Studies have shown that those who write down their goals are more likely to both reach those goals and be overall more successful than those who don't write them down.
The successful group in this study also used accountability and weekly progress reports to keep them motivated, which you can also implement.
Getting closer to your goals will ignite a passion in you. You'll need and want to dedicate more time to your goal the closer you get to reaching it.
This investment of time is going to have to come out of the time you had set aside for your girlfriend, but you can trust that she'll end up missing you and be more attracted to this motivated, go-getter version of you.
3. Level Up
Leveling up means bettering yourself. For some, this could be paying more attention to their appearance. For others, you may want to work on performance skills such as public speaking or networking with new people.
Leveling up is about self-improvement. Unless you're a bit of a sociopath, it's probably easy for you to know your faults. Choose one that you'd like to work on and find different wants to improve it.
You could buy a course, hire a coach, take a class, or practice a new skill at home every day. Leveling up is related to setting goals, but this is where you start to shine.
Some areas of your life you could level up in might be:
- Intelligence: Get a new certification, complete a course, go back to school, or sign up for private classes.
- Confidence: Work on becoming more extroverted with your public speaking or networking skills.
- Health: Take better care of your body through diet and exercise. Hire a trainer if you can or join an intramural sports team.
- Appearance: Work on your aesthetic by clearing out your closet, getting a makeover, or going with your barber's recommendation for your next haircut. Trade the glasses in for contacts and keep your facial hair neat.
- Success: Throw more of yourself into your work, giving your all at your current job. If you're unhappy there, start applying elsewhere and work on making moves. You should be able to excel in a place that compensates you well for the effort.
Your girlfriend is going to notice these positive changes in you. She won't just see that you have less time for her, but instead, she'll be able to connect the time you're investing with real-life benefits she sees in the flesh.
4. Create Her Favorite Memories
One of the most important parts of a strong relationship is creating positive memories together. Emotionally significant memories are the ones we remember most. Your girlfriend can't miss you if she doesn't have any fond memories of you to think of when you're gone.
Choose a few exciting and fun activities to do together. These could be activities that are special to her or completely new.
Anything that is a first – like the first time you try a certain food or do a unique activity – is more likely to be remembered, especially if it brings up positive emotions.
Let's say you take her quadding for the first time. This action-packed activity will release hormones associated with adrenaline in both of your brains. These hormones are correlated with improved memory, which is why humans tend to easily remember high-risk or high-adrenaline situations too.
5. Stop Being Readily Available
Recent studies have shown that playing hard to get can make you more desirable to your partner. In this study, participants put forth more effort to see the people who were more selective in who they gave their time to.
Contrarily, people who were easier to attract were perceived as more desperate and less desirable.
If your girlfriend is having a crisis, you should be there. If your girlfriend is trying to take a nap, you don't need to be there. Stop being readily available for silly situations and save your availability for the times that matter.
Give your girlfriend the time and space to realize that you aren't at her beck and call. Before you know it, she'll be seeing you in a different light and be striving for more of your attention.
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